Chances are, that if you are thinking about having sex for the first time, there are plenty of things going through your mind. “Is first time sex painful?” or “Will you bleed when you do it?” are just a few queries that might pop up in your head. And while it is crucial to get these questions answered, there is no need to be afraid. Consensual sex can be a wonderful experience, especially the first time. So if you want to have a pleasurable start to your sexual journey, here is everything you need to know.
Why Physical Intimacy Is Important
It’s no secret that by increasing your sexual intimacy with your partner, you can boost your overall well-being. Physical intimacy affects not only your mental, physical and emotional health but also your self-confidence and happiness. Here’s all you need to know about the importance of physical intimacy.
- Physical signs of affection such as hugs and kisses can boost your mental health. Touch therapy states that such actions help reduce stress and depression.
- During sex, the brain releases dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, which are all neurotransmitters that boost feelings of happiness and relaxation.
- Sexual intimacy improves blood circulation, reduces bloating, flushes the lymphatic system and strengthens the immune system.
- Just as good as exercise, sexual intimacy gets your heart rate up and utilises all the large muscle groups.
- It has a calming effect on the nervous system, helping you sleep better by driving away mental chatter and physical tension.
- Physical touch transmits a sense of being understood, accepted and cared for. It enhances your relationship with your partner on an emotional level.
5 Products To Boost Sexual Wellness
One of the safest ways to avoid the transmission of STIs as well as to significantly diminish the chances of an unwanted pregnancy is to use condoms. With a variety of condoms available in the market to suit your every need, you can indulge in pleasure without any worry. How much do you know about the most commonly used form of protection during sex? Here’s the condom quiz you didn’t know you needed to take.
From brands like Durex, Kohinoor and Kama Sutra to types like Extra Thin, Dotted and Ribbed, Nykaa offers a range of condoms.
Using lubricants should be natural, not awkward. They make physical intimacy a lot more easy and more fun and eliminate painful sex. Make the most of lubes and upgrade your sex life. A ton of online adult stores have a variety of lubricants like water-based, silicone-based, flavoured and even sachets.
Want to learn more about your body and sexual intimacy? Then get some books online or download the audio versions for privacy. Knowledge comes in all forms and the curiosity to know more can be beneficial in the bedroom. Here’s a guide to figuring out what tickles your fantasy and excites your imagination with 5 book recommendations.
4. Sexual Enhancers
Products that improve your sex life are not just limited to condoms and lubes. Sexual enhancers address physical problems and improve performance. Get a variety of enhancers like Shilajit, arousal creams and Ayurvedic products online.
5. Oils & Lotions
Setting the mood right is no more a task with some fun massage oils and lotions for you and your partner. Light some candles, put on soothing music and give your partner the gist of a sensual massage.
How To Overcome Erotophobia (Fear Of Sex)
Though sex is considered one of the most physically satisfying experiences one may experience throughout their life, it is not everyone’s cup of tea. A lot of people are scared of sex. Here is a guide on overcoming erotophobia or fear of sex successfully.
7 Major Causes Of Erotophobia
Everyone may have their reasons to fear sexual intimacy. In most cases, Erotophobia i.e. the fear of having sex traces itself way back to some trauma they might have experienced in the past.
Some of the reasons behind genophobia have been briefly described below:
1. Lack Of Experience And Low Self-esteem
This is something that haunts a lot of teenagers. While sex is a whole new fascinating experience for them, a lot of teenagers are scared to have physically intimate moments with their respective partners. This fear stems from their lack of experience. They fear that their partner might leave them if they are “not good in bed” which is making them scared of sex. The stress and performance pressure releases entirely different hormones in their body that results in an abysmal lack of self-esteem.
2. Body Image Issues
People who have faced body shaming in their childhood, sometimes carry this baggage with themselves. This makes them uncomfortable in their skin. They feel very unworthy of themselves and have a fear of exposing their body in front of their partners. Fear of judgment, fear of abandonment are their worst nightmares.
3. Sexual Abuse Or Trauma
Some experiences scar people for life and sexual assault is one of those. In most cases, it leaves a permanent fear in the victim’s mind. They develop haphephobia, the fear of being touched, which prevents them from getting intimate.
Yes, tocophobia, the fear of getting pregnant, is an actual thing. Despite the various birth control methods and their tireless endorsement, a lot of girls are afraid of getting pregnant. In such cases, the fear is not due to a lack of awareness but a lack of faith in their partners regarding wearing a condom or their partner’s unwillingness to take no for an answer.
5. Size Matters
Does it though? Well, the harsh truth is the size of one’s genitals matters more to them than it will ever matter to one partner. Overthinking and misinformation gained from social media can often leave someone dissatisfied with “their size” due to which they fear sexual intimacy.
6. STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases)
Too much information can be a hazard sometimes. Some people gradually become reluctant to have sex, due to their fear of contracting AIDS or other STDs. While it is certainly a good thing to practise safe sex to avoid contracting STIs and STDs, letting it overpower your natural urges is not helpful.
6. Physical Dysfunctionalities
Though phobia of sex results mainly from emotional trauma or a certain thought process, sometimes it also results from some physical problems one faces:
Erectile dysfunction: It refers to the difficulty faced in obtaining and sustaining an erection. Having an ED from time to time is not a concern. However, a prolonged phase of ED may slaughter one’s self-confidence. Problems like getting or keeping an erection can also be a sign of an underlying heart condition that needs to be treated
Vaginismus: It is a condition when the muscles of the vagina clench up involuntarily when vaginal penetration happens. Though your vagina learns the art of expanding and contracting when you become sexually active, it may be a painful experience for the first few times, resulting in permanent fear of intercourse
5 Natural Remedies To Overcome Erotophobia
Sex is something that should make you feel good about yourself. It shouldn’t make you anxious or feel unworthy. At the end of the day, it’s just a part of your lifestyle, not your entire life. Fear of sexual intimacy is caused by several reasons as we have discussed above. It is this fear which can make people refrain from having sex altogether. However, one can overcome this fear.
1. Talk It Out
Communication is the key. Talking can help you clear all the doubts in your mind. Having a conversation about sex with your partner can help. In doing so, you will get to know what their needs are. This can uplift your morale and help you perform better.
2. Take A Break
If you feel anxious at the thought of having sex or are extremely uncomfortable discussing it, you can take it slow and wait for things to happen at your own pace.
You don’t have to always have sex with your partner. Sometimes taking things slow and experimenting with other kinds of physical intimacy, like masturbation can be helpful.
Phobia Of Sex is more of a mental health issue than a physical issue. The performance pressure can lead to a lot of anxiety and stress. Meditation can help during such rough phases. Calming your mind will help you perform better and put an end to all self-doubt.
5. Try Therapy
If there is a trauma that has been haunting you and preventing you from having one of the most special experiences of your life feel free to consult a therapist. Don’t feel embarrassed. A lot of people go through this. In such cases, conversations can work better than medicines ever will.
5 Ways To Prevent Sexually Transmitted Infections
Anybody and anyone can get STIs and if left untreated, in women they can lead to severe complications including pelvic pain, infertility, and sometimes even ectopic pregnancy.
However, being mindful about sexual health and protection during sex can help prevent such infections. Identified as one of the co-factors of HIV transmission, a greater understanding of their preventive measures can assist in effective STI and HIV prevention strategies.
It is currently estimated that India has 2 to 3 million individuals infected with STIs, and the primary mode of this transmission has been via heterosexual contact.
To gain a deeper understanding of how to prevent STIs here’s a video discussing several preventive measures and treatment plans you need to know.
10 Ways To Seduce Your Partner
Here are 10 ways to initiate sex with your partner with minimal words. But, as a reminder, “no talking” does not mean “no consent.” You should still be checking in with your partner that they are down for what you’re doing.
1. Make The Best Of Tech
Saying “I want you now” out loud to your partner can be intimidating. But sending a flirty text or even a letter can be your way of initiating sex. Write a naughty note and put it in your partner’s pocket. Send him an email on his personal account. Or consider sexting him while he is at work. What you say in these messages is purely up to you, but try to break out of your comfort zone to help build erotic anticipation.
2. Establish A Code
A simple code that tells your partner that you are in the mood is a great option. A vague phrase or word that can be safely uttered in the presence of your kids or in-laws works well. It helps in not only making it clear that you are up for some physical intimacy but brings some excitement as no one, other than you two, know what the code means.
3. Send Non-Verbal Cues
Rubbing his feet with yours or kissing his neck might not always do the trick. Since men need something more direct, try to up your game. Kiss and lick his fingers while you watch a movie to represent oral stimulation. A powerful move that doesn’t require conversation is using your hips and butt to tell him that you are in the mood.
4. Compliment Your Partner
As long term relationships progress, couples often don’t compliment each other. This stagnation period of courting and seducing can affect your sex life. Take charge and tell him he looks great today. Notice changes and compliment him on the same. A simple “you look great in that shirt” or “I love the way you do your hair” can work like magic.
5. Change The Schedule
If you are someone who tends to reserve the end of the day for physical intimacy or have a set schedule, it’s time to change it. Men are generally at the peak of arousal in the early morning. Get up early a few days and week and show him some appreciation. Wake him up with kisses and initiate sex. Or step into the shower with him. Nothing beats a morning quickie before work.
6. Play A Game
If talking is not your forte and you feel shy, you can use alternate options. There are tons of adult games like dice, cards and so much more available. Roll the dice and do as instructed. Or pull up a card with a dare and complete it. This will help you take the lead without having to utter a single word.
7. Get In Character
Do you know why people enjoy dressing up in fancy dresses? We humans use costumes and masks to make bold decisions and do things we normally wouldn’t. Use this to your advantage and get in character. Dress up as someone your partner admires or a sensual tv/movie character. Roleplaying is a great way to initiate sex with ease!
8. Play Masseuse
No one can say no to a massage. It helps relieve stress and improves blood circulation. And getting intimate with a masseuse is a fantasy for many. Offer to give your partner a massage, and then slowly work your way down to hint at what’s on your mind. Setting the scene this way helps put him in a giving mood and gives you a boost in sexual self-esteem.
9. Go On Adventures
A hike to your favourite hill or a jog in the park together can be physically as well as sexually stimulating. Watching your partner work out can lead to sexual arousal. Even doing household chores can be fun. So get sweaty with your partner and feel the sexual tension build up as you hurry to finish the work.
10. Just Communicate
An awkward yet effective way to initiate sex is to communicate. Though it might seem weird during the initial stages, a mature relationship needs direct and clear communication. Most men prefer you just ask them. Saying “do you want to do it” does not ruin the moment. It not only gives your partner the chance to consent to it but also makes it easy to proceed.
5 Orgasm-Inducing Sex Positions For Women
Here are 5 sex positions that are more likely to help women achieve the big O.
1. On Top
Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl or simply ‘woman on top’; call it what you want but this position is a favourite among women. And for a good reason, for it’s time to be in charge, initiate sex and ride the wave of pleasure. The cowgirl position gives the clitoris a chance to get stimulated and the women complete control over the pace, angle, and level of stimulation. There are a ton of fun variations of this position, making it very versatile. Plus, it isn’t the most intense position for a partner with a penis, so you may be able to last a lot longer than usual, giving you more time to reach your peak.
How To Do It:
- Have your partner lie on their back.
- Climb on top, with one leg on either side of their torso.
- It’s usually better to focus more on rocking your body back and forth, rather than trying to bob up and down.
- As you move in a rhythmic pace, lean forward for a different angle, depth of penetration and sensation.
- You can also try grinding your pelvis in slow circles or in a figure-eight motion.
- Your partner can run their fingers down your back, play with your breasts or even caress your clit as they move in and out of you.
2. Doggy Style
Doggy style makes for super deep stimulation. Women who are able to orgasm from penetration alone will benefit from the intensity of this position, and from the direct G-spot stimulation. And women who require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm will find it particularly easy to use their hand or a toy in this position.
How To Do It:
- Start on your hands and knees as your partner kneels behind you.
- They can hold onto your hips while they thrust away.
- You can either stay still or, alternatively, push your hips back against them.
- Or change the angle of penetration, get down on your elbows. The intensity of this position could allow for multiple spot stimulation.
- Another option is to lower your chest to the bed as you leave your hips high in the air and your partner crouches low.
- Try using one hand to rub your clit or your partner could reach around with their hand and do the same.
3. The Bridge
This is one of the best positions for experiencing an orgasm. This position creates very deep stimulation and a wonderful feeling of fullness. The elevation allows your partner to get deeper and puts your vagina in a different position. Your clitoris is also front and centre for your partner to stroke, or for you to reach down and stimulate.
How To Do It:
- Start in missionary, then have your partner sit up so they’re sitting back on their ankles, with their knees spread wide.
- While staying on your back, put your feet flat on the bed and arch your hips up a bit.
- Your partner can then enter the space between your legs, holding your hips to use them as leverage.
- They can grab your hips to help hold you up when thrusting.
4. Sideways Straddle
This position allows for fantastic grinding action. You get to control the pace, and you get to decide exactly how much pressure gets placed on your clitoris. As well as being cute and intimate, as your partner will be cuddling you from behind, this is one of the easiest positions for dual stimulation. It’s also a pretty unique position, and the novelty of it can be quite arousing.
How To Do It:
- Lie on your sides with your partner behind you so that you’re both facing the same direction.
- Push your bum towards them.
- As they enter you, your partner can easily reach around and stimulate your clitoris.
- It might need a little practice, especially navigating the buttocks and hips, but practice does make it perfect!
5. Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)
Yes, the name sounds like a national level examination but this is a great position for a lot of women. Changing the alignment of your pelvis allows for your partner’s pubic bone to rub up against your clitoris and deliver the kind of direct stimulation that many people with vaginas need to reach orgasm. It’s also great if you happen to be shy about trying difficult or new positions since it’s extremely easy to manoeuvre into from the traditional missionary. It’s intimate and low-stress at the same time.
How To Do It:
- Start off in a missionary position, with you on your back and your partner on top of you, between your legs.
- Have them pull their body up toward your head so that their pelvis is slightly higher up your body than it usually is in traditional missionary.
- Instead of thrusting in and out, they can move in more of a gentle grinding action against your pelvis to start off with.
- This can help stimulate your clit – the direct stimulation that some women need to reach orgasm.
5 Ways To Help Prevent Painful Sex
How to make first-time sex less painful is a question that can plague many. To make sex a pleasurable experience for you, here are 5 comfortable and stimulating sex positions if intercourse is painful for you along with tips to prevent pain during sex.
1. Sexual Spooning
Longer penises that strike the cervix can cause pain to flare up. Hard and fast thrusting with those long penises can definitely cause pain as well. Spooning allows for cuddly and slow sex; it’s also great for a clitoral reach-around.
Instead of spooning after sex, try it during the act. Lie on your side with your partner directly behind you. Bend both of your knees a bit. The position makes sure that the penetration is shallower than normal as the buttocks provide some cushioning.
2. Missionary With A Twist
When you press your legs together in missionary, suddenly every stroke is enhanced. This position is also good for controlled movements because you can take control without moving. Roll your hips around slowly and you’ll get this amazing slide-y friction that will drive you both towards a climax.
Create a new experience of the classic missionary. In place of widening your legs, have your partner’s legs straddle your body, permitting mutual genital touching. This works great because it isn’t dependent on size but on the connection you and your partner have.
3. Lean On
Women with endometriosis tend to have a lot of abdominal pain and trigger points in the belly that can activate their pain and cause them after-sex pain. Standing sex positions decrease the pressure put on the abdominal area and help to decrease pain.
Find a wall or table to lean against. Face each other and choose who will hold each other’s butts, and hook their leg around the other person’s leg for support. Stimulate each other, by rubbing your clitoris against your partner’s genitals, and then create a comfortable rhythm whereby you’re able to move your body closer or away.
4. The Seesaw
Being skin-to-skin, eye contact, and arms wrapped around each other – doesn’t that sound romantic? Well, that’s not all. The position ensures that the thrusts aren’t as powerful. The angle of the entrance also shifts a bit. Just be mindful, take it slow, stop as soon as things become uncomfortable, and alter the position as needed.
Your partner kneels, you straddle their thighs. Hold on to their shoulders for stellar eye contact and leverage. They can thrust up, you can thrust down, and for more clit stim, grind against their pubic bone. Or for a more direct approach, just reach down and start rubbing.
5. Modified Doggy Style
If the classic doggy style position is too painful for enjoyment, modify it! Be patient while trying to do this. You can try lowering your head to the bed/pillow, with your back arched. Another option is to try standing up: place your hands on the bed/table and bend over. Move around a bit, try three or four variations to figure out what feels best.
Instead of being on your knees, try lying on your stomach (you can also add pillows if you need to). Have your partner lay on top and enter you with a hand, toy, dildo, or penis. The modified version of this position also allows for intimacy. Your partner can easily kiss your neck or back or hold your hands in this position.
8 Things You Can Do To Help With Pain During Sex
Some self-care measures can bring relief. Here are remedial measures you can try to combat painful sexual intercourse.
- Use a lubricant. Water-soluble lubricants are a good choice if you experience vaginal irritation or sensitivity. Silicone-based lubricants last longer and tend to be more slippery than water-soluble lubricants.
- Make time for sex. Schedule in some time when neither you nor your partner is tired or anxious.
- Communicate with your partner. Tell your partner where and when you feel pain, and which positions are uncomfortable.
- Talk about what turns you on and activities that you find pleasurable. Try new positions or activities to make sex more enjoyable rather than painful. Also, go slow and steady when having sex. Learn to walk before you run.
- Try sexual activities that do not cause pain. If intercourse is painful, you and your partner can engage in oral sex or mutual masturbation.
- Go sensual instead of sexual. Take a break from sex if it is causing too much pain and connect physically with a massage.
- Take pain-relieving steps before sex. Empty your bladder, take a warm bath or take an over-the-counter pain reliever before intercourse.
- To relieve burning after intercourse, apply ice or a frozen gel pack wrapped in a small towel to the vulva.
Most people have queries and get anxious when it comes to having sex for the first time. Indulge in a solo session to figure out what makes you comfortable and curious, learn all about masturbation here. Then, communicate with your partner, try a variety of things and use this guide for a pleasurable first-time sexual experience.